Thursday, November 03, 2005

News From Around the Barnyard

This evening mammalic diva Ms. Eva dismissed news of a 65 million year sexual union between two promiscuous cells with a flippant remark that she "had totally done a ram in the Alps" for more than twice that amount of time in her earlier years back on the farm.

While mathematically impossible given her estimated age of 29 sheep years, Ms. Eva was none-the-less voraciously tenacious in her testimony to reporters outside of a Harvard university book reading, and declared that she had "rode that Johnny Ramhorn six days til Sunday and twice on the weekends" and there wasn't a damn thing they could do to change that.

"Old Johnny Ramhorn and I gave a whole new meaning to shearing by candlelight," Ms. Eva said. "By the time we were done the volcanic body heat we created during our unabashed foray into the world of wild sheep-on-ram action had melted my wooly mane into a scarf and mitten set I still cherish to this very day."

Ms. Eva, a sheep long known for her offhand remarks and for a knack of holding nothing back in her attacks on her enemies, then proceeded to leave the scene clutching a carton of Marlboro Red cigarettes and a fresh copy of Sheep Backdoor Monthly.

Stranger still, she also left in the company of an as of yet unnamed male companion who reeked of fresh water fish and data center cabling.

Developing...

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